Battlefield Mishaps
by SekaiRyu
Summary: What honestly happens on the battlefield.
1. Robot Internet

This is a series of stories based on things my friends and I say while playing Sengoku BASARA and just talking about it. Some are really short while others will be like their own story. I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Sengoku BASARA. I checked.

Masamune heard music drifting in the air. It was upbeat and strange, a style that had never met his ears before. Curious and intrigued by the sound, the one eyed man followed the bizarre tune, set on finding the source. He wondered around his friend, Chousokabe Motochika's, ship, trying to find the music the filled the ship only to be led to the captains own courters.

He opened the door and the music blasted out of the room. This was definitely were the sound was coming from. Peeking in, he saw Motochika sitting on the floor, hovering over a strange rectangular light that was also emitting the equally as strange music. The pirate was hitting another rectangle with many bumps on it and made a tapping noise with each time his fingers pressed on it.

"**Hey,** what are ya' doing there?" Masamune was fascinated by the object, wondering if it was one of the man's weird inventions.

Without turning around or looking up from what he was doing, the other man answered. "Playin' Robot Unicorn. Beaten my high score." He said it as if Masamune should have already known.

The Dragon knitted his eyebrows. "The hell is that?"

"Game I found on the internet. I've been playin' it for a week now. Addictin'."

This confused the young man even more. Robot Unicorn, a strange glowing rectangle, and internet.

"THE HELL'S THE INTERNET?" He yelled at the man, confusion irritating him to no end.

Motochika froze, an explosion sounded from the contraption. "Ya' know wha'. I don' know."


	2. The Wrathful Knitter

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE.

The battle was over, the deed was done, Ieyasu laid on the ground, no life left in him, he was gone, the young boy was dead. Mitsunari walked away from his once friend. There was nothing left for him here. There was nothing left for him anywhere. He finished what he had set out to do. Now that it was over. He no longer had anything to live for.

Motochika walked up to the boy whom was once his friend as well. He looked so peaceful, like he was just sleeping. He glanced up at Mitsunari, now lost to the world, only to see the dragon walking over to the boy.

"Mitsunari, you have just defeated you rival, gained **victory** for the western army, and took control of Japan in name of Toyotomi Hideyoshi, what are you going to do now?" Masamune shouted, holding something up to his own mouth then holding it to Mitsunari.

He looked up at the man who was out to kill him before the battle, confused on why he didn't just end him right now.

"I have nothing now. I am nothing now. I have nothing to live for." His voice was only a little above that of a whisper.

Motochika, who wandered over to the two, and Masamune looked at each other. This wasn't what they were fully expecting.

"Ya' could jus' make somethin' up." Motochika couldn't just let the boy remain lost in his….. Nothingness. "Set ya' self a new goal."

"Yeah, find a new hobby. It'll be healthy for you." Masamune added. All he wanted was an answer.

The youngest of the three pondered what he would do now. He had nothing left in life anymore. All he wanted was to die.

"I… I guess I'll take up…. Knitting." He said, not really knowing if he really wanted to do that or not. Most likely not.

The other two were at a loss for words. Did Mitsunari really just say what they think he said?

"Knittin'?" The pirate asked.

Mitsunari just nodded. "Not just any knitting… Anger knitting."

Masamune exploded in laughter. "Anger knitting? The hell's that?"

The silver haired boy looked him in the eye, keeping he voice calm. "It's simple, let me show you." He pulled the needles out from now where, leaving the other two looking around him, trying to find their source, and started to knit. "All you do is knit one, PURL TWO, KNIT ONE, PURL TWO, STAP RANDOM MAN IN THE EYE."

"Oh shi…." The patched duo said in unison, not fearing for their lives, and their one good eye. Turning, the two fled from the anger filled boy, leaving him to knit in peace.

Mitsunari on the other hand sat down, continuing his knitting. "Huh, this is somehow…. Relaxing."


	3. The Dancing Warrior

Finally, got to something that happened on the battlefield.

An explosion rang out across the battlefield, signaling that one had seized a camp. The pirate looked across the field to see if it was in his fortune or not. Upon his glance, he seen it was none but his ally's, Keiji, victory but was too met with the sight of him doing something he had never seen before on the battlegrounds.

Keiji was dancing. He was wandering around his newly occupied camp, dancing, and counting off as he went.

Motochika just stared at him in amazement and worry; speechless as to if he should give words of congratulations or not. He only stood there, watching. Once the initial shock left the patched man, he said the first thing that came to him.

"Yeah. Shake it Keiji!" He hollered to his friend.

Keiji looked toward his partner, smiling and beginning to progress his way to the other man, still dancing the entire time. Motochika started to walk to his friend as well. Once the two where face to face, the elder squatted down, allowing Keiji to dance with his crotch in his face.

The other men within the armies, ally and enemy alike, gawked at the two men. This was truly a sight on did not witness every day.

-Five minutes later.-

Motochika dashed up the hill to the place in which the two young warriors, Ieyasu and Mitsunari, were having their one on one. Stopping, he felt oddly alone so he turned to see where Keiji had gone off to.

Once again, looking to Keiji was a mistake, for up the hill and into the battle, he danced yet again, causing the fighting pair stop and stare at the man.

Motochika, on the other hand, lost himself in a fit of laughter.


	4. Driving Skills

_Admit it, this is true_.

An engine revved to the his right, beckoning Motochika to look. The car calling to him was a beauty. A blue 2011 Mustang GT with an electric yellow dragon decal on the side. But he didn't see the car. No. What he seen was the driver, smirking at him, giving his car another quick rev.

"Shi'. Masamune." The pirate readied himself for the inevitable race that was to come.

Both men watched the light intently, waiting for it to change. Seconds ticked by, the opposite light went yellow, then red. The wait felt like an eternity when in truth, only half a minute had gone.

Then their light clicked green. The men pushed their gas pedals down as far as they would go, speeding off from their starting points causing the rear ends of their cars to swerve a bit.

"Ne, Mouri. Could ya', umm... could ya' come pick me up?" Motochika spoke into the small phone.

"You totaled your car again, didn't you?" The voice on the other end sounded irritated, already knowing the pile of unrecognizable metal of what was once two cars. This had already happened twice this month.

"N-No." The lie was obvious to the other and Motochika could feel the stare he would have received if they were face-to-face. "Yes."

The phone went silent, no response, no background noise, no anything. The patched man pulled the phone away to see the call had ended but he still had four bars of service.

"He hung up on me." He called to Masamune. "Ya' think Kojuurou could give me a lift?" He turned to where he had last seen his friend standing only to see the young man getting into Kojuurou's car and slamming the door closed, making a gesture as if he was telling Kojuurou to go now.

Motochika watched as they drove past, Masamune being so kind as to show him his middle finger on the way by, and was left there in the dark next to the sad remains of his car.

_Am I right?_


End file.
